10 Downing Street Closes Early For Christmas.

22 12 2009

UPDATE 22ND DECEMBER. The petition site is currently closed to new petitions over the Christmas holidays. Why are you closed Gordon? Your taxpayers are still working!!!!!!!!

UPDATE 29TH DECEMBER. One week later. Many taxpayers are back at work, but not Gordon’s team. They’re still on holiday.

Which makes this sentence from an open letter from Gordon Brown to NHS staff, dated 21st December 2009, even more hypocritical:

“As you face another Christmas sacrificing time with loved ones to serve others, let me also pay tribute to the incredibly long hours you have put in this year”.

UPDATE 31st DECEMBER. Yawn. Gordon’s team STILL on hols.

The New EU Organic Logo.

11 12 2009

Is anyone able to explain to me why we really need an EU Organic Logo? If, just for the sake of argument, they can, can they also explain why the EU needs to spend so much time and money deciding what it should look like? A jury of 12 people, congregating in Brussels? Surely 3 (or 4 at most) would have been enough, and have the EU not heard of conference calls? If member states feel the need for a logo to identify organic food, surely they can make their own cheap convenient arrangements. Organic food usually says ‘Organic’ in big letters on the packaging anyway?

If any enterprising EU civil servant cares to leak the total cost of their travel, accommodation and fees to me, I’ll be happy to publish them here.

Jury members (Rob Vermeulen (chairman), Miguel Induráin, Riitta Brusila, Elisabeth Mercier, Urs Niggli, Craig Sams, Szymon Skrzypczak, Erik Spiekermann, Tom Václavík) plus Agnieszka Bodera, Victoria Petrova, Julien Mousnier and Christiane Kirketerp from DG AGRI

The winner and two runners-up will be invited to an award ceremony in Brussels in summer 2010, where they will be presented with their prizes by the European Commissioner for Agriculture and Rural Development. What a song and dance at taxpayers’ expense.


Shop In Olney Or The Kitten Dies.

21 11 2009

It seems to work for Somali pirates. Why shouldn’t it work for Olney? If you set one foot in Milton Keynes Shopping Centre, the kitten dies. Do all your Christmas Shopping in the wonderfully eclectic mixture of traditional market town and cutting edge boutique retail wonderland that is Olney, and the kitten makes it through to 2010. Think we’re kidding?

Vaclav Klaus. Vaclav Klaus. Vaclav Klaus. Yay.

27 10 2009

vaclav klausI urge you to sign a crucial petition that the Taxpayers’ Alliance is running. As you may know, there is now only one man standing between the Lisbon Treaty (formerly known as the EU constitution) and ratification: President Vaclav Klaus of the Czech Republic. President Klaus has come under huge pressure from the EU and other European leaders to sign the Treaty, but so far he has held out in the face of all the threats and incentives that have been offered to him.
Every single main party promised us a referendum at the last General Election, but we have been denied it. The TPA is running a petition to send a message of support to President Klaus, and to urge him to hold out until we get that vote that we were promised. By contrast to our own leaders, who have betrayed their promise, he is sticking his neck out for our democracy as well as his own, so the least we can do is to express our thanks and express our support for him to continue his valiant action.

Thank you for your support, please do sign the petition here…
Stand Firm President Klaus

…and forward this page on to all of your friends and family – the more people who sign, the better our chance of getting that referendum.

Postman Pat rules out strike action!

19 10 2009

postman pat

We should like to point out that there is absolutely no truth in the rumour doing the rounds (groan) that Postman Pat will be joining the strike action planned for this Thursday and Friday.

Also, he wishes it to be known that many titles featuring The Man Himself are now available for purchase at ICETWICE.

All Buy 1 Get 1 Half Price to Book Club members!

01234 714499

P.S. Jess says Miaow. There’s a surprise.

In Memoriam….

1 10 2009

Well, we’ve taken down the offending banners on the front of the building, which, we’ll have you know, The Enforcement Officer described in his letter to us as “gaudy” Here’s the wikisaurus definition of gaudy:

“Very showy or ornamented, now especially when excessive, or in a tasteless or vulgar manner”

The Enforcement Officer, bless him, very diligently sent us all the relevant rules and regulation, and we joyously pored over The Town and Country Planning (Control of Advertisements) (England) Regulations 2007, and discovered that there is a, what’s the word, loophole, no, not loophole, enormous cavity in Part 1, Section 2.

2.—(1) In these Regulations— “the Act” means the Town and Country Planning Act 1990;
“advertisement” does not include—
(a) anything employed wholly as a memorial or as a railway signal”

Now, I grant you, putting a railway signal on our facade would be pretty pointless, and I don’t propose to do this. But, a Memorial To The Sad Demise Of Common Sense seems an altogether more attractive idea. It might even look like this, and I defy anyone to describe it as tasteless, vulgar, showy or ornamented. Understated, discreet and muted, possibly, the other words, no.

in memoriam flat

Infamy, Infamy, They’ve All Got It In For Me. (Especially Milton Keynes Council).

23 09 2009

I received the ultimate accolade today, a visit from, wait for it, it’s a goody this title, The Enforcement Officer, Richard Proctor, the ‘hard man’ of Milton Keynes Council.


My ‘crime’, apparently, is advertising my business. Without permission from the nanny state! Ooer missus.

Richard turned up unannounced, presumably fearful that advance notice of his sortie into enemy territory would cause me to flee the country or plant anti-personnel mines on the pavement. Actually, that’s not a bad idea. Richard, I’m kidding.

Anyway, I would have thought a phone call would have done the trick but no, these are ‘serious matters’ and must be dealt with ‘seriously’, in person, despite the expense, and of course, the impact on the environment of the unnecessary car journey. Richard is good at ‘serious’. I don’t think a smile has ever crossed his face in the line of duty. It certainly didn’t today.

If you think Richard is right and the banner must come down because I’ve been jolly naughty not knowing that I needed planning permission for it, vote here. Conversely, there is of course the option to support my (prior to Richard’s visit, I thought, inalienable) right to announce the ICETWICE Book Club to the world through the medium of vinyl.

If you wish to send ‘supportive’ emails to Richard, here’s his address, richard.proctor@milton-keynes.gov.uk and his phone number (direct line) is 01908 254694

Milton Keynes Council’s Crusade On Air Quality

13 05 2009


We’d like to say a huge thank you to Milton Keynes Council for sending this truck to Olney this morning to spend half an hour running it’s engine while parked illegally on the pavement. It’s good to know that the council takes every opportunity to add more nitrogen dioxide and carbon monoxide and other nasty stuff to the atmosphere in High Street South. It’s also reassuring to know that the Air Quality Monitoring Device they installed at great expense at this end of Olney is going to have plenty of data to work on. Our congratulations to MKC on a sterling job well done. We’re so happy they’re so concerned for the environment and careful with our money!

Download the Council’s full report on Air Quality in Olney

NHS Swine Flu Information….

5 05 2009

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Roy Keane or Alastair Darling for Ipswich Town?

23 04 2009

roy-keaneIt seems obvious to me that Ipswich Town have picked the wrong person to manage their football team. Roy Keane has many qualities. Extracting eyeballs with bird’s beaks for one, but Ipswich really should have gone for Alastair Darling. What a motivational genius he is.

After yesterday’s budget speech it’s easy to imagine Alastair Darling giving a half-time team talk. Guaranteed to turn the course of any match in Ipswich’s favour, so long as Alastair makes sure he gives his talk in the opposition dressing room.